Thoughts From this Past Week 10/23
I am trying to use these to let the thoughts in my head breath, it seems to work. Here I am again. I think the hardest part for me sometimes is when the thoughts and emotions are controlling me. Taking over me maybe some would say. Why am I feeling everything so fucking hard. Maybe it is from the work I do, maybe it is that I am having all these thoughts and emotions I haven't had in years. Maybe it is that I finally feel that I am in a good place in my life and I can be hard on myself to make sure to keep it going rather than being happy with where I am in my life. I don't fucking know but I have felt them this week. I don't think it is a bad thing but fuckkkk I feel it. Trying to put that into my work but also allowing myself to sit in these uncomfortable feelings. This past week memories of my life and brothers and just growing up have been popping up more than ever. I think it just has to do with what this month has been. I do not really know but writing this out is making sense to me.
I do know this though. I feel more centered than ever, motivated than ever, and I am trying. That is what is most important to me always. That is what I ask of whoever reads this to just always try. Try to follow your dreams, try to find someone to spend life with, try to make friends, try to never give up, try to do something nice for someone, and just fucking try your best to be a good person. There is so many things in the world that we can not control, shitty hands are handed in life, and sometimes no matter how hard we try it might not work out. But if you try there is a chance, and then keep trying lol. You only fail when you give up on something fully and never look back at it. JUST FUCKING GIVE LIFE, DREAMS, LOVE, FRIENDSHIP, a try but most importantly give yourself some fucking love because at the end of the day that is all we can control: the way we react and the way we act. Especially towards ourselves:)
Shrinq week 10/10-10/17
Griz Fest:)
To put into words what a weekend meant to me has been hard these past few week because I have never been this content while also just feeling all these emotions. I have cried, laughed, had feelings I wasn't sure would ever come back, and It all started with going to this festival. I mean come on Griz was coming back wtf did we expect,. We knew it would be great. But that GREAT. Like come onnn. The group that I started the trip with was hands down dawgs, and that crew just slowly grew over the weekend. So many friendships and connections were made even outside of the ones I made. We all were having fun and enjoying being in the moment for just one weekend. It felt fucking great. I met some of my most favorite people ever, saw the best music ever, and told myself over and over again this is what it is all about. All the work I put into the nonprofit and building what I hope to build by providing as much resources to people in need as I can will pay off if I put the work in, take the correct calculated steps, and just be myself. I want to build a community one day that resembles the community I got to be apart of during Griz Fest. If I can even accomplish a form of what that man did for a crowd of people this weekend I will die happy. This was just the beginning of the best week of my life thus far and the universe just was showing me so many signs this weekend and even weeks leading up to it, that we are on the right road. Just have to keep chipping away at the sculpture. Get up that mountain some would say. I had a few big takeaways. Be where my feet are while also putting the effort in to always progress. The more I grow into myself the more the flow of what I said as the first take feels natural. Last, I don't need to overdo it, I am a good person, and don't overthink shit so much, play it as myself and it will be coolll. AND NEVER FORGET THE CUBEEEEE!
I am 24 now (KOBE)
I always struggled with feeling understood and feeling like I did not have people in my life. That no one was really there. That was just my brain making up shit and narratives that were not true. The Love that I felt on my birthday was unreal, inspiring, and I just feel lucky. I made a promise on my birthday to do my part and be the person I say I am being. Keep making myself proud and my brothers above. Thats enough said on that, lets have a fucking year, 24 is mine.
First Tune Drop - Money Bags Mike
My first song drop also happened on my birthday and the response has been insane, I am so thankful for my mentors, you know who you are (Peter, Dev, and all my friends). The process from putting my first drum down on Ableton to releasing my first song has been the most rewarding, life changing experience. Learning sound and how it works, I do not even hear music the same anymore. There are so many layers to sound and I really feel it is my therapy. A way to express myself through my heart rather than my words. It has helped me slow down and be grateful for this life. It also showed me what I can do for people struggling if I keep pushing getting better everyday. The access to resources and help that I can build through a community like this is unreal. I promise to work at it everyday and to keep sharing my heart through music. That is who Money Bags Mike is, a guy just wanting to give back to the world, help people in need, and play around with filthy nosies. Go stream it, Thank you for the support so far, it makes my heart full.
Biggest show to Date For My Bassfreaks Team
This show to me was just me trying to put on a good time for people and for us to really embody the best parts of our scene. Allowing others to be who they are!!! Be a freak, be crazy, be yourself, and do not always be so hard on yourself, the world can be hard enough on us. That is the goal of Bassfreaks. Creating an environment and community that does all that above. Checking on each other, loving yourself, and not giving up on what you want to do with your life. I want to create space for people to rage and feel good about life after and feeling they are not alone. I think we accomplished that this show and our headliners absolutely killed. Learning all these different aspects of our lil dubstep edm world I feel is what is helping me understand things more and how I can show up as a person in this scene. I want to be a positive light in this scene and keep growing on this momentum babyyyyyy.
And... performing my biggest show yet :)
Doing the set was the best way to end the best week. A literal cherry on top. We had Subdocta, Stylust, and a stacked card that I got to be apart of. Subdocta had the room sing happy bday. What a guy, seriously a pleasure to meet all these people. The set was a banger it felt like. The vibes were high, everyone had fun I think, and everyone who raged with us I fucking love you. Shout out Noize Complaint, That was legendary. Thank you to my boi Ba1i brother Ali for coming and playing a track. The show inspired the fuck out of me and I took this day when I wrote all this to relax, be proud, and see where we can go now. Now its back to the grind because I promise to you and myself mainly to keep this going, never stop till my days are done, and to keep growing as a human because of it. The people are the reason I do this, it heals my soul. I got to play my own original music live in front of a crowd for the first time, my biggest set as Shrinq, and during the week we were having!!! I am so blessed, I am so excited to see where this goes because in the end writing currently, I am happy, but I am not content, and that is because the road is long, the journey is just starting, but the best part is I am enjoying the growth for where I am at all times. Enjoying every step took. I am living my dream, A therapist who makes dubstep, now lets see how far we can take this. Love you family:)
